So in my past two posts I talked about the importance of being vulnerable and public with your flaws and weaknesses and then I did that exact thing. I laid it all out there. If you guys read, you now know a lot of the things that I struggle with. Things I see as flaws and weaknesses in my life. Now if you had told me just a few years ago that one day soon I would be this open and this vulnerable on the internet, I probably would’ve laughed in your face. But that’s what’s really interesting to me. The story of how I got here. What has changed?
To get started answering that I want to talk about something that one of my best friends said to me the other night. She said, “I know who I am in God and who He says I am.” This really stuck with me. The more I reflected on her statement the more I realized that it is exactly why I am so comfortable being so vulnerable and open. I know my identity in God and I know who He says I am. And most importantly, I am content with that identity. What has become super apparent to me is that for the longest time I was so worried about what other people thought about me. I was worried about looking weak or vulnerable in front of other people. I was worried that they would label me as this or that. And let me tell you, that is an awful way to live.
For many years of my life I didn’t feel comfortable being myself. I felt like I had to be the person everyone expected me to be. Like I had to fit a specific mold. One specific part of my life where I felt this most was in the way I dressed. If you asked any of my friends today what one of my biggest interests was they would probably tell you style and fashion. I like to think in the past couple years I’ve developed a very unique and individual style. Just a few years ago this was anything but the case. I dressed like every other white country club kid. Which is funny because I am neither white nor a country club kid. It’s just who I was surrounded by so I dressed like them. I felt like I had to fit in. That’s just one example. There are many others in my life and I’m sure many of you can relate.
The thing that I am most proud of in my life is that at the age of 22 I sit here with a renewed sense of self. I think I am more self-aware than most people become in their entire lives. I know who I am. I know who my God says I am. And most importantly I love who that person is. The beautiful thing here is that once you become aware of who you are, and become content with it, everything changes. The joy I feel day in and day out, the love I have for myself and others, and my positive outlook on life are just a few of the things that I have gained over the past few years. I’m no longer hindered by what others and by what society says I need to be or what I should be.
I wake up every morning sure of who I am. All the good, and all the bad. I am aware of all of it and I embrace all of it. I am comfortable with who I am and that is why I can share my weaknesses and flaws so openly. Because I don’t care what you think of them. It’s as blunt as that. My identity is what it is. And it is what my beautiful loving God says it is. And that is what is important to me.
I really feel like I’m just rambling at this point. So I swear I’m about done. I just felt the need to lay this all out there. That there is a reason I am so confident in who I am. I never used to be. Growing up I was one of the most insecure kids you could meet. And I’ll be honest, I still have my moments. But I have a new sense of self. I have a new identity in who I say I am and in who God says I am. I am joyful. I am happy. I am no longer afraid. I know who I am in God, and who He says I am. I am Ross and I am content with that.