For most of my life I wished for the day that I could move out, live on my own, and start my life. Ever since I was a young boy, I wanted to be an adult, so much so that I constantly hung around them. I could never understand the people that said they were going to miss childhood. I couldn’t fathom missing high school and much less college. But of course, as you may be able to tell from the title of this post, that was the past. Today I’m sitting in my apartment, halfway through my first week on my own and I’m honestly telling you, be careful what you wish for.
That statement is not to say that life isn’t going to get better. I am confident that my adult life is just starting and there are a lot of great things to come. I say be careful because what I didn’t fully appreciate until just a few months ago was how hard it was going to be to leave.
Friendships were always important to me but until recently they were never something that I would dread leaving. That change in my life was pretty dramatic and I think it has a lot to do with the world we lived in the last few months and the life I lived during quarantine. Believe it or not, for the last three months, in a world that has seemed extremely sad, I had potentially the happiest stretch of my life. I got to spend more time with family than normal. I got to spend almost 24/7 with my best friends. I was able to deepen and strengthen some friendships and I even gained some new friends. It quickly became evident to me that the thing that made me so happy was people. Connecting with them, communicating with them, and spending quality time with them. That’s why it was so hard to leave.
Leaving those past few months behind and moving to Savannah alone was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I am going to miss my friends and family dearly. I am going to miss being able to go downstairs and see my best friends. I’m gonna miss days at the park playing softball, spikeball, or just reading. I’m going to miss game and movie nights with my friends. These are all things that became really important to me. Things that really matter.
All of a sudden school didn’t matter to me. My future was put on the back burner and I wasn’t much thinking about my my career path. For this little pocket of time I was able to focus on people. The people in my life, the people that I care about and the people that care about me.
In just a few short months, my entire outlook on life changed. The things that mattered to me changed. People. It was all about people. And let me tell you, as a proud introvert, that is the last thing that I expected to care about. But maybe it does make sense. Because it’s not just people I care about. It is the ability to form close connections. Learn about people and their lives. To listen and to just sit and talk.
A week ago I hugged all my friends and I had to turn my back and walk away from them and it was extremely hard. I’ve had to do it multiple times in my life and trust me it never gets easier. I always think I’ll be able to do it without crying but I’m always wrong.
Recently my Dad asked me if I could stay in Raleigh for one more year, is that something I would do. And the answer is without a doubt yes. It’s just funny because if you had asked me a year ago, the answer would have been without a doubt no. I was wishing to leave. I was ready to be gone. Now look at me. Missing my home. Missing my friends. Having to start a new life without them. It’s hard. I should’ve been more careful what I wished for. It’s going to take some adjusting. Some time to get used to life. I just hope I did enough to create lasting friendships and relationships that will transcend distance and time.
My outlook on life is different. I had the best three months because of the people I got to spend it with. So to those people, I miss and love you all so much!
To my roommates Justin, Jack, and Luke. My friends Zoey, Taylor, Shawn, Kyle, Jason, Blakely, Sarah, Cal, Katie, and so many more. I love you all so much. I am so lucky to have people that it was so hard to leave! Here’s to life long friendships and new beginnings!